LDS Church Announces New Word of Wisdom Guidelines for Soda
Extra large sizes and certain add-ins now prohibited
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today new clarifications to the Word of Wisdom regarding soda. Effective immediately, all fountain drink sizes larger than 32 oz are prohibited, and “dirty” sodas have new ingredient restrictions.
A statement from Elder W. Callister Christensen, Area Authority Seventy, explained, “In moderation, soda pop can be a refreshing treat. But in recent years, we have noticed with concern that more and more Saints are struggling to keep their sugar and caffeine cravings in check.”
“The cups are getting too big. Far, far too big.” he added.
The new policy, which was finalized after extensive internal discussions, appears to have been sparked when President Dallin H. Oaks went through a Swig drive-through with his granddaughter, Mindy. She ordered a 44 oz “Dew Gooder,” which consists of Mountain Dew plus pineapple, fresh lime, raspberry puree and coconut cream. Mindy also reportedly whispered a request for a splash of Reviver energy drink to be added. While attempting to drive and put the straw in at the same time, Mindy accidentally spilled the entire cup into her grandfather's lap.
In its official statement posted on the church’s website, it states:
“The Word of Wisdom is a law of health for the physical and spiritual benefit of God's children. It includes instruction about what foods are good for us and those substances to avoid. Over time, Church leaders have provided additional instruction on those things that are encouraged or forbidden by the Word of Wisdom, and have taught that substances that are destructive, habit-forming or addictive should be avoided. Dirty sodas may appear harmless, but we have received hundreds of reports from bishops and stake presidents struggling to effectively minister to people unable to stop themselves from multiple Swig runs a day.”
Besides extra-large cup sizes, the new policy limits dirty soda add-ins to just one flavor, and prohibits the following ingredients outright: Pineapple syrup, gummy worms, Coffee Mate® Lime & Coconut Creamer, Yellow 5, marshmallows.
Swig and Sodalicious franchises nationwide are already adjusting their menus to comply with the new guidelines.
Matthew Bowman, Howard W. Hunter Chair of Mormon Studies at Claremont Graduate University, noted that “As with vaping, green tea and frappuccinos, the Word of Wisdom has always contained elements of ambiguity and personal interpretation that occasionally require institutional clarification.”
Many members have already expressed their frustration with the new policy, particularly those who’ve come to rely on the extra-large drink sizes to get them through the day.
“I’m not sure I can survive without my am and pm Triple Ds,” confessed Sharon Johnson of American Fork. “It’s a lot cheaper than therapy,” she added.
This announcement comes just ahead of the Church’s upcoming General Conference, where some expect additional Word of Wisdom clarifications regarding pink sugar cookies.
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April fools!
Having never had a Swig or Dirty Soda, I find this to be grounds to have one... lol. Including pineapple.