A Letter to My Child Regarding Politics

The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. —Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

My boy,

God said to love one another. And that sounds simple enough, but really it’s quite difficult. It’s difficult because we live in a world and we are part of a church where people have different ideas and opinions. They like different leaders and want different rules. At home, at church, at school, wherever you are, you are surrounded, immersed, swimming in differences. Usually these differences feel harmless; sometimes they feel inconvenient; occasionally they feel dangerous.

There is a lot of energy in differences, just like there is a lot of energy in fire. And like fire, differences can be extremely destructive, but they can also be harnessed towards accomplishing something powerful. 

How we navigate these differences and decide on leaders and rules is called politics. And we don’t always do a very good job at politics. Because politics is hard for almost all the same reasons that loving is hard. Disagreeing with someone about something you really care about is vulnerable and high stakes. It’s like trying to hug your brother right after he just hurt you. 

There are no guarantees in politics. People sometimes listen and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they agree and sometimes they don't. Sometimes you create rules and laws that help, and sometimes they hurt. Sometimes people will support you, and sometimes they’ll hate you. And they will tell you you’re bad for believing what you believe. And having people tell you you’re bad hurts because no one wants to be bad. And so it is only natural that you might start to believe they are bad for saying that and for believing what they believe. 

And that’s why I am writing this letter: to teach you how to be a peacemaker. So here are a few difficult and remarkable truths — truths you can hold on to when the political differences around you feel overwhelming and the people feel like enemies:

• God made every single one of us different and unique. Our differences are an incredible gift that help us bless each other and the world. If we were all the same, the world would not be as good as it is. 

• Usually, when someone passionately disagrees with you, it isn’t because they’re a bad person. It’s because they have different ideas about how to do and be good. And if you look for it, you can normally find something good and beautiful in what they think. 

• The people you dislike or disagree with or think are just plain wrong are also God’s children and are therefore your brothers and sisters. And so you have to find a way to love them even if they’ve hurt you.

• And here’s one more hard truth for you: if you want to be a peacemaker, you’re going to have to learn how to face political differences head on, without fear or defensiveness.

When you try to face political differences, sometimes you will be tempted to argue. And that makes sense, because you’ll be talking about things that really matter and that you care a lot about. But arguing will not do. Arguing is a game where everyone loses. Because when you argue, what almost always happens is you talk about one thing, and they talk about another thing, and neither one of you will be talking to each other. 

If you want to be a peacemaker, you will have to find a way to avoid arguing. Be curious. Listen well. And then listen again. Avoid only looking for holes or weaknesses. All beliefs have weaknesses. There is nothing impressive about being able to poke holes in someone's argument. That is like pulling leaves off of weeds. A toddler can do that. What is impressive is being able to understand someone, and to see where their belief is strong. People and ideas are usually more interesting than we give them credit for. Facing people and ideas where they are strongest is the only way to pull weeds out by their roots, if indeed they are weeds at all. 

When you are trying to avoid arguing, sometimes you might try to hide. You might pretend like you don’t disagree or like you don’t have any opinions on the matter so that you never get anywhere close to arguing. And that won’t work either. Because peacemakers must be present in the world, not hidden behind it. Be kind, but be honest about your opinions and perspectives. To be a peacemaker, you will have to learn how to think your thoughts, and believe them, allow others to think their thoughts, and believe them, and communicate both with frankness, compassion, and courage.

The third thing you may be tempted to do is pretend to know more than you actually do. This is an old sin. Pride is pretending to be better, smarter, or more informed than you are. And it will always make you embarrassed. The truth is, most of us don’t know as much as we wish. Most of us haven’t read as much as we’d like. And all of us rely on other people to fill in our gaps. Try to be honest enough to let other people fill in yours. Be critical about where you get your information. Be open about what you don’t know. But be curious, too. And always, be humble.

And finally, my boy, if you take all my advice, you will be tempted to believe that because people are mostly trying to be good and thoughtful, that if everyone just talks and listens we’d all come to the same conclusions. This is a hope for what is called common ground. And sometimes common ground is real and can happen. But please know common ground is not always possible. And also know that common ground is not a prerequisite for peace. So don’t wait for common ground to be a peacemaker. Make peace now, in the middle of the difference. 

It is not enough to just try to be nice. The world needs peacemakers, people who are brave and present, who recognize the differences of opinion around them, see goodness in the variety, and build bonds across it. We need each other. We need roots and branches, tugging in different directions. And we need peacemakers, holding us tight at the trunk. 

I hope that you will grow up to work and advocate confidently for what you feel is right and good. And, I hope also that you will grow up to see the goodness of the people working and advocating across the aisle. The world needs your passion and compassion, your strength and gentleness. Be an advocate. And, my boy, be a peacemaker.

Here’s a promise from your mother: when you engage in differences, you will come to understand yourself better, and you will better understand the nature of the issue in all its complexity and nuance. And if you are lucky enough to maintain strong friendships with people who think and vote differently than you do, you will find they are some of your most valuable connections. They are the people who will challenge you, energize you, and reveal you to yourself. 

This earth is a rocketship traveling at 67,000 miles per hour. And the only way we survive and don’t explode mid-air is by having enough peacemakers to hold all the particles of us together. This is how you inherit the earth — not by winning the next election, but by harnessing the energy of the different people around you to make the world a better place. Not in spite of our differences, but powered by them, energized and maintained by you and everyone else brave enough to make peace. Blessed are the peacemakers. 

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Ideas for fostering a peacemaking approach to politics in children:

• Acknowledge and appreciate differences: Verbalize things you admire in other people, especially in people you disagree with.

• Dialogue peaceably with people you care about: Peacemaking doesn’t mean self censoring. Be curious about what others think, and be honest about what you think. Demonstrate by example that it is possible to express your authentically held beliefs without being contentious or unkind. This is most easily accomplished by stating what you don’t know first, or what you’d like to know more about. 

• Help children engage with people different from them: Teach children they can do more than answer questions. They can be a part of the conversation. This is primarily done by equipping them with sample questions to ask. (i.e. What were your thorns and roses today? How did that make you feel? What happened next?).

Sarah Perkins is a writer and filmmaker. Together with her husband Joshua, she is the author of The Book of Mormon Storybook, a children's adaptation of The Book of Mormon. See more of their work on Instagram at @forlittlesaints.

Art by Abraham Rattner.